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Robin William's Top 10 Reasons to be Episcopalian

Employment Agency Letter to Jesus, circa 30AD

 

Robin William's Top 10 Reasons to be an Episcopalian:
10.       No snake handling.
9.         You can believe in dinosaurs.
8.         Male and female God created them; male and female we ordain them.
7.         You don't have to check your brains at the door.
6.         Pew aerobics.
5.         Church year is color-coded.
4.         Free wine on Sunday.
3.         All of the pageantry -- none of the guilt.
2.         You don't have to know how to swim to get baptized.

And the number one reason to be an Episcopalian:
No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.

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Thank you for submitting the resumes of the 12 men you have picked for managerial positions in your new organization.  All of them have now taken our tests; we have also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant.

It is the staff opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in background, education and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking.

Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper.  Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership.  The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, place personal interest above company loyalty.  Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale.   We feel that it is our duty to tell you that Matthew had been blacklisted by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Bureau.  James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus definitely have radical leanings, and they both registered a high score on the manic-depressive scale.

One of the candidates, however, shows great potential.  He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well. Has a keen business mind, and has contacts in high places.  He is highly motivated, ambitious and responsible.  We recommend Judas Iscariot as your controller and right-hand man.  All the other profiles are self-explanatory.  We wish you every success in your new venture.

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Here is the biblical account of the prophecy of the internet, as recorded in the 6^th book of Hezekiah:

“It came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham.com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.  And Dot.Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.  Indeed, she had been called Amazon.com.  And she said unto Abraham, ‘Why dost thou travel with thy goods when thou canst trade without leaving thy tent?’  And Abraham looked at her as though she were several saddles short of a camel load but simply said: ‘How, dear?’

She replied: ‘I will place drums in all the towns and between all the towns to send messages saying what you have for sale.  They will reply telling you which is the best price.  The sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah’s Pony Stables, which initials shall be immortalized as UPS.

Abraham decided he would let Dot.com have her way with the drums and lo, the whole land was so feverish with joy at the new riches that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land.  And William of Gates did insist on making drums that would only work if beaten with brother Gates’ drumsticks.

And Dot.Com said: ‘Oh, Abraham, what hath we started is being taken over by others.’  And as Abraham looked out over the bay of Ezekiel, or ’eBay’ as it came to be known, he said: ‘What we need is a name that reflects what we are.’

And Dot.Com replied: ‘I’ve got it!  The initials shall stand for ‘Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.’

‘Whoopee!’ cried Abraham.

‘No, silly,’ said Dot.Com.  ‘That stands for Yahoo!’”

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